How to control anger

If we determine to solve a problem, we have to find out its roots. I feel that we get angry with people who are related to us in any way and our expectations from them fail. The more intimate the relationship, the angrier we feel. As such we feel more frustrated from such instances happening in our own families than associates in career or unrelated persons. It is our perception of situation and logics presented by chitta (sub-conscious mind), that makes us react and get irritated, if attitude thrusts us towards that. We feel that our sorrows are due to actions of those particular persons. In fact, we have to understand that the remote control of our sorrows is not, in fact, in the hands of other people.

In fact, we get two types of anger. Number one, internal that is, what our heart felt; number two, our reaction and expression to related person. Health-wise speaking, number two is not so dangerous. Number one internal feeling can have negative effect to any extent in our lives, on our mental tranquility, on our health. It is simply because we conclude that OUR SUCH AND SUCH SORROWS ARE CAUSED BY THAT PERSON. If we understand following facts and ask chitta to accept them honestly, anger will vanish.

We get pleasures and sorrows as per our prarabdh (destiny) as arranged by orders of the God Almighty. These are outcomes of our previous karmas (actions). And these karmas ripen at different intervals of time. We get results of karmas at appropriate times. The persons delivering you pleasures and sorrows are just postmen of that God. You will get what you deserve, not necessarily through those persons whom you had been helping or maltreating. Presently whoever is instrumental in delivering you pleasure or sorrow, will act towards you as per your immediate destiny. NOBODY, IN FACT, CAN BENEFIT US OR CAN DAMAGE US.

Next point is, why are you irritated with your family members or your subordinates? Because they did not obey you (or at least obeyed the same very unwillingly). You concluded, that the pertinent point should be fixed in a particular manner. They donot agree. Now I ask you to honestly judge yourself, as to how much you obey YOURSELF. You know what should be done, you resolve to take specific actions for self-improvement, health, performance of duties etc., but you simply ignore your own resolutions due to laziness, casual approach and on flimsy grounds. What right, do you possess, to get angry with people, who disagree with you?

Next point is, anger strengthens our wrong attitudes and spoils our health, our mental tranquility. We get hypertension, depression, heart diseases and other problems. Can we afford all that? No.

Now what is the solution? Should we forget imposition of discipline in our family members and subordinates and should we surrender before every Tom Dock& Harry?
No. Big No.
I told, there are basically, two faces of anger. Internal and external. This heartfelt internal anger is dangerous and damaging. In your practical life, take stock of position, think out an honest way to monitor the situation, express your views to relevant persons and try to handle the situation tactfully as the situation and your role warrants. Then, whatever is going to happen, let it happen. Silently, watch the drama of God unfold, and at the heart of hearts, do not blame that person accountable for your sorrows. You can and should act in best of your capacity, but results are not in your hands. Yes, your, honest approach, will make your future prarbdh much better and your equipoised mind will save your health.

Expression of external anger can be used, though avoided to handle the situation, but internal anger must be pacified by pondering over the above logics.